"Enduring another of humanities trivial oddities."
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Don't buy cream cheese with real green onion bits in it. I don't say this because it doesn't taste good, in fact it's really yummy. I say this because cream cheese doesn't last forever and little bits of green onion can look just like bits of mold. Pretty much when this cream cheese gets closer to its expiry date it's a guessing game as to weather or not those little bits are reason enough to chuck out your cream cheese. Today I finished a container of this yummy treat and tomorrow I may regret it.
Now I know it’s your job to get business for people by connecting websites but I would appreciate you check the sites before you get any ideas. Receiving this email about my photography web site called bewarethecheese.com, although entertaining, did make me think about what kind of people live in this world.
"A few months ago I sent you an email about selling your cheese through our network of stores. We work with thousands of buyers from specialty food stores, grocers, gift shops and large chains around the country. We help them locate products we think will sell in their stores. I think your cheese would be a great fit. We guarantee sales plus you can pick and choose who you want to sell to. If you're interested in selling your cheese to more stores visit us at __________"
So are you saying my photos are cheesy?
Man am I stressed. So much homework and so much other stuff to do that I really don’t get a minute to figure things out. I had a cold a few days ago and it left in a hurry. I’m probably too messed up to even get a cold. Hey look at this, hand sanitizer. If I know one way to make stress go away and put a smile on my face it’s a good squirt of hand sanitizer. *Squirt, squirt, rubs hands together vigorously as instructed by the sanitizer machine*. So am I happy now, is all the stress gone away? Hmmmm, well I have learnt about a plethora of paper cuts on my fingers, and what could be more relaxing than searing pain through your fingertips and knuckles. Sunny days are here my friend.
How’s it going? It looks like I score because you got room for me. In fact you’re completely empty, why would that be? *I sit* I see, you’re not very comfortable, so no one likes you. So instead of serving a purpose like being a wall or a sidewalk some creative engineer thought it would be clever to turn you into a bench that no one likes. I’ll still be your friend little bench but no more touching ok?
Just got my flu shot yesterday, I know people who’ve caught the H1N1 and it was horrible for them, and it sucks that it has adversely affected so many people. However if I had to pull one positive thing about this whole ordeal it would be that without H1N1 this awesome poster would have never been made.
If you happen to live in Ottawa stop by my buddy Dane’s art show this month at the Patrick John Mills Gallery. His stuff is great, gross, and contains real human remains. It’s good times for all.
Let me explain, you see “Zombie Snow” is not the snow of the un-dead, as cool as that might sound. Zombie Snow is a light snow that just doesn’t stop and eventually accumulates into many feet of snow. I call it Zombie Snow because much like a Zombie it appears easy to deal with at first (zombies seem slow and kind of falling apart/light snow is easy to shovel). The problem with zombies is they just never stop and no matter what you do they just keep coming no matter how far you run or where you hide eventually they’ll get you. Zombie Snow although being a light snowfall never stops and eventually you find yourself outside for hours trying to clear the 3 feet of snow off of the driveway. (On a separate note I want to make a zombie movie some day with zombies that just can’t be beat, I’m sick of there always being a way it ruins the coolness that is zombies.)
This isn’t the first time I’ve complained to you, or at the very least people with your job description and it probably won’t be the last either. This morning, on my way to school, I turned on the weather report to hear that there was a chance of flurries in the forecast for today. I looked outside and it was in fact flurring at that very moment. Now I would say that there is a 100% chance of flurries today and a 100% chance that you do not have a window in your office (that seems strange for a weather man). I also understand that “flurries” are in fact smatterings of snow that start and stop all day long, similar to scattered showers. Now it’s been about 5 hours since I got up and I have to tell you that the snow has not stopped at all, so wouldn’t it just be snow? I’m very happy that you chose a career in meteorology where one is allowed to be totally wrong at any given point and I’m glad you didn’t get into medicine.